LIVE NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!

(Warning: Heavy Reading!)

Morbid, huh? Want to hear “morbid?” My beloved mentor (and Chief Psychologist at Bellevue,

which was a wild place to learn psychology) had a tradition of taking his first-year interns on a

field-trip to the morgue, which was directly across from the entrance to Old Bellevue. He had us

stand there, among the dead, to gain a perspective on the transience of life. This somewhat

weird experience was meant to ground us when we were inevitably overwhelmed by the

enormity of our patients’ problems, helping us remember what was truly important.

Recently, I have had two of my favorite people share that they’d be fine if they died soon.

Both have recently overcome serious medical issues and life can become daunting as one ages.

I understand their desire to come to peace with their mortality but I was pissed at both of

them! How incredibly wimpy. (Yes, I have been known to be judgmental at times!) If you can’t

find meaning in your life, how about reaching out and finding meaning in the world around

you…which could use all the help it could get! They’re not nearly done living and contributing.

A lovely Buddhist fellow, who leads Sunday walking meditations, has us put our hands over our

chest and asks if we can feel our heart beating? We all nod “Yes.” Then he responds, “In that

case, you still have work to do.” For us to do “the work,” we must know what is important to

us, what is the reason we’re here on this planet in this century in this moment in this second.

The core of each of our lives is meaning. We often don’t notice this backbone of life until it’s

missing. Without that “backbone” we get emotionally and spiritually wobbly. Feelings of

emptiness, of a reason to get up in the morning, a “Why bother?” miasma pervades us. Though

there are certain similar characteristics, meaningless is not depression, though it is depressing.

Dealing with issues of emptiness is truly above a therapist’s pay-grade. There is no diagnosis for

“meaninglessness” in our diagnostic lexicon. The meaning of one’s existence sits in the spiritual

and philosophical realm. Though not in our wheelhouse of expertise, people often turn to

therapy for help. I’d say that most of the time, people are unaware that their angst comes from

a lack of meaning and purpose in their lives. They just feel empty, lost, stuck in the sea with no

wind. Therapists can guide people in realizing that the despair they’re feeling might stem from

being spiritually rudderless. Finding meaning is an intensely personal journey. Therapists can

accompany you and support you in this journey for meaning, but the holy grail of the essence of

your life rests in your hands.

There has been a steep rise in issues of meaningless and loss of direction over the last few

decades. Since we are living much longer than generations before us, we have more time, and

more need, to redefine our purpose in life. This becomes particularly problematic for those of

us who have dedicated the first half of our lifetime fulfilling career potential, raising a family,

buying a house, achieving life goals. Most people follow the path laid down before them by

their parents and society…all the way from kindergarten through retirement. There the well-

traveled path ends. In the middle of our lives, having achieved those goals, there waits the void.

Now what

Now, there’s nothing wrong in moving to warmer climes, perfecting pickleball, learning canasta,

enjoying (many rounds) of golf. Those are fine activities, but they might not be enough to

nourish your soul and give you a reason to wake up in the morning.

Victor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, survived the Concentration Camps. After

those who endured the incredible inhumanity were finally liberated, free now to remake their

shattered lives, he noticed a disturbing trend. Many survivors ended up becoming seriously

depressed, unable to recreate a core reason for existing. What Dr. Frankl came to realize was

that the ability to survive yet another day in the Camps, to endure the daily horrors and

privations while holding onto the hope that it might someday end, had become their reason for

existing. Once they achieved that goal, they were at a loss. The will to live was so powerful, so

immediate, that many struggled to replace the daily fight to stay alive with something just as

compelling. Frankl concluded that without a purpose; life, itself, becomes pointless. It was to

this end that he developed Logotherapy, a form of existential psychotherapy based on finding

meaning in one’s life. I recommend you read his book if you’re struggling with this issue; it

helps to know you’re not alone.

How do you find what is meaningful to you? It appears that when you get to a certain age, the

compelling force is to “give back,” whether it be wisdom gained through a lifetime, a hand to

help someone in need, becoming part of an endeavor that touches your heart. Whatever it is,

and it might take a number of attempts till you find what fits, it will not only enhance your life

but will enrich others. And isn’t that what fulfillment is truly about?

So, back to the morgue. I’ve learned, over the years, that is often not the possibility of physical

death that nudges people into appreciating life (though that helps!), it is, instead, finding the

meaning in your daily existence that is the true life-force.

Check, is your heart beating? Then there is work to be done!