THE NATURE OF TRAUMA AND LOSS: EMOTIONAL HEALING FROM COVID
This is one of my more serious topics, so bear with me. COVID, particularly in certain areas, appears to be in the rear-view mirror of our lives. As is customary in our western society, we are expected to simply “get on with” living. A societal sigh of relief. According to this belief, there’s something seriously wrong with you if you’re lagging in the celebratory spirit that the freedom from COVID worries should bring. “Should” is a terrible word…inherently judgmental! [The old time psychiatrist, Alfred Ellis, used to say, “Have you should today?” I liked his style!]
We North-easterners have wrested control of this disease by following rules, getting our vaccines, and keeping the mask-making business in business. But we are literally surrounded by the rest of our country, and the rest of the world, both of which are in mortal combat with this virus. That’s humbling…and scary. We read about new and more dangerous variants emerging, countries being devastated, death rates rising, leaders yet again imposing restrictions. It’s hard to regain a sense of safety when this news bombards us.
In addition, we are not emotionally built to survive a crisis, survive a year of isolation, survive the loss of thousands upon thousands of souls, and just wake up one morning fully vaccinated, jump up energetically from our beds, and re-enter the flow of our lives that we needed to abandon in panic only a year ago. Remember, it’s only been a few short months since most of us received our vaccines. It will take time…a lot of time…to integrate the changes, losses, and wisdom of this lost year.
Western societies are not known for their patience. Look how we push people to “STOP GRIEVING ALREADY!” Or perhaps, it’s the discomfort of sitting with uncomfortable feelings that we can’t control. So we squash them down, pretend they don’t exist, numb them out. But that only works for a while. Eventually, they demand attention. Perhaps in the form of depression and anxiety, rage and withdrawal. Peek behind these emotions and you often find hidden grief and sadness.
So what emotions might we expect to feel now that we’ve been set free from fear and isolation? Excellent question…evolving answers. I tend to watch for “trends” in my patients’ complaints and worries. What I’ve been noticing is a sort of psychic detachment and general avoidance of integrating back into the flow of life. Yes, people have begun reaching out to others, but remain more insular than they did before COVID. Many experience their world as gray whereas before interests, curiosity, passion have colored their days. Numbness is an emotion…a powerful one.
There have been excellent articles written about this psychic lethargy [see: New York Times, May 5th, 2021, “There’s A Name for The Blah You’re Feeling. It’s Called Languishing” by Adam Grant]. What we label “Anhedonia”…a loss of pleasure in things and activities.
There’s so much about the emotional fallout of this lost year that we haven’t even begun to grasp. We’ve heard about the “Long-Haulers,” people who continue to suffer physical disabilities resulting from COVID long after the original illness resolved. We are just beginning to grasp the long-term emotional damage that this year, this disease, has inflicted.
But there are also gifts that will emerge from this time of confusion and heartache. Survival comes with hard-earned wisdom. It will take time, as it does with grief and loss, to recognize and appreciate what you have gained from going through this traumatic period. Perhaps you have learned, albeit not by choice, that you enjoy spending time with yourself, something you might have once dreaded. Perhaps you have come to realize that you like being home, value spending time with your family, and now, that that has become more important than the work that formerly took you away from them. Perhaps you surprised yourself by having survived loss and fear and despair…and realize that it’s OK to continue living. Ask yourself how you can continue to cherish and honor these hard-earned lessons.
My thoughts are these. Be gentle with yourself. If it’s taking time to re-emerge from your protective shell, so be it. If you don’t want to go partying, that’s perfectly fine! If you’ve had enough human interaction after an intimate dinner to last you a week, permission granted. What we do know is that psyches naturally heal over time as do our bodies. I have faith in this. If we just get out of our own way, accept the healing process, be grateful for each morning and curious what tomorrow will bring, we’ll be fine.
So give yourself a big hug and go finish that wonderful book you’re reading! Permission to be happily by yourself and gently, gently heal.