REWRITING OUR STORIES

Life Is a tough editor!

A dear friend related a personal story about facing fear. She was on the equestrian team in

college but was terrified of jumping the ever-higher hurdles. Her coach suggested visualizing

her throwing her heart over the hurdle and letting her body (and horse) follow. Talk about a

true leap of faith! She took that image with her into her life, and “threw her heart over” all the

obstacles that life presented her. I always held her as my icon of bravery! Her “story” was that

everything was possible, just take a deep breath and leap. Even when facing her death, she was

brave and resolute and sure her heart will guide her to the ones she loved who already passed.

I wish I had her faith, instead I emulate her courage. As I do the other strong individuals in my

life who bravely forged their own path. Their stories changed over time, accommodating to the

lives they chose, the detours they faced and the options available during their adulthood. But

the core of each of their stories was their belief in choice. Even their deeply held belief that

they could make something meaningful out of events that were beyond their control.

Eventually you get to choose your story, how you want to approach life, goals, obstacles, joys,

hurts. But first, like any underlying belief that rests at the bottom of your unconscious ocean,

you need to journey deep inside of you to bring it up to consciousness. Your work then

becomes coming to terms with the story that has guided your experience of life, or rewrite it!

Needless to say, your story was scripted by your past experiences. Perhaps you see yourself as

the victim, and perhaps you were as a child. But do you need to continue to live with that

story? Have you unconsciously recreated that story in your life by the choices you have made?

Has it made you happy? Or maybe you believe that everything you try will be harshly criticized,

so to avoid the future shame of failure, you don’t risk anything challenging or new.

The saddest part is that we create our story and then look for evidence to confirm the truth of

that story…even when there is no indication that the story exists anywhere but in our own

mind.

Some examples are as follows. One lovely man I know wouldn’t approach an attractive woman

in a bar. His “story” is that any woman he approached would think he was pathetic and respond

to his invitation with revulsion. A very bright young woman would never say “no” to anything

anyone asks her, her “story” was that if she refused a request, she would be seen as nasty and

unfriendly, a “bad” person. Another incredibly competent and creative young man was

terrified of trying new things and failing, his “story” being that the shame he would experience

upon anything less than a perfect performance would be so painful, that he doesn’t risk

activating it.

We each have our “story.” And, yes, we each have a story as to how our story came to be so

real to us. Why do we choose to treat it as the truth?

So, when I hear, “I could never [fill in the blank}, I invite you stand back and ask yourself, with

gentleness and curiosity, “Who says so?” What would you risk by questioning your story? What

might you gain? What, at the end of your journey, might you regret you hadn’t tried?

Every writer knows the first draft of a work will be changed, edited, rewritten, revised and

changed again. You are your first draft…here’s a red pencil, go for it!

For those who are interested in participating in the January Equine-Assisted Therapy Program in

Mexico this January, please check out my web page for further information.

You don't need to know anything about horses! Don't have to ride unless you really really want to! :)