THE RADIANCE OF KINDNESS
When I hear stories about kind individuals who have heart-felt interactions with strangers, open and curious about their stories, ready to offer a helping hand if needed, it reinforces my belief in the potential warmth and compassion of people. Contrasted with cranky curmudgeons who echo their own cynicism, filling their world with negativity and hopelessness. Kindness begets kindness, cruelty begets cruelty. We label this phenomenon Confirmation Bias and, boy, is it powerful!
Being kind is often not given the deep appreciation it deserves until we’ve been bumped around in the turbulence of life. Then we come to welcome the infusions of kindness needed to heal our spiritual and emotional wounds. For kindness does, indeed, heal.
Kindness can be defined in so many ways. But when I think of kindness, I think of gentleness, warmth, acceptance, patience and safety. Kindness can be the cove we rest in when the sea gets stormy and dark.
Sadly, many people were not brought up in an atmosphere of kindness and compassion and it might be difficult for them to believe they deserve it. It can actually feel uncomfortable to accept caring when graciously offered. When young, I used to freeze if someone offered me a comforting hug during difficult times; I’d literally stiffen. Now I’m an insatiable hug-collector!
In therapy, when working with people struggling with intimacy, my mantra often becomes you deserve kindness. Risk being cared for, no matter how out of control it makes you feel! Tolerate compassion!
This is not only true for romantic relationships. I see lovely people who have the worst taste in friends who often disappoint, minimize, hurt, and/or take advantage of them. Sadly, some not too terrific people seek out kind people, mistaking their generosity as weakness to be exploited. My counsel, once someone exploits your kindness, run! Particularly if you tend to attract selfish people. Would you ever act that way? Probably not. So why are you letting someone else treat you so shabbily?
Remember:
Kind is being compassionate. If you are having a difficult time, they care! They want to focus on you and help. They listen. They give freely and with joy.
Kind is being nonjudgmental. Whatever you’re struggling with, they support you.
Kind is being patient and supportive. They are fine with whatever you might need to feel safe. If you have to go slow romantically or sexually, if you require time to trust again, they freely give you the time you need.
Kind is being safe. You are accepted, just as you are. You don’t have to be perfect. You can make mistakes. They will work to ease your fears and support your dreams.
Kindness respects your boundaries. They don’t push or cajole or guilt you into not being honest with your own needs and limits.
Often all kindness requires is that your respond in kind!
Keep kind, loving, people close to you. Your world will be so much richer for it, as will theirs!
Spread the hugs!