PLEASE DON’T PUT ME ON HOLD!
It hurts to admit it, but I’m not perfect. I have some seriously annoying character flaws that drive me, if not the people around me, a bit crazy. One is my impatience. It’s democratic annoyance…I’m as impatient with myself as I am with the world. I’ve tried meditation, mindfulness, medication only to finally come to the sad conclusion that this is just who I’m going to be for the long haul.
My main grouch fest (for today, at least) is perpetually being put on hold on the phone. The miserable twin feelings of helplessness and frustration inevitably arise while waiting a dehumanizing amount of time, brain numbed by the loop of lousy music, for someone to resolve my problem. The usual “Please hold” culprits are either sinister members of the Customer Service Cabal, airlines (with the cost of tickets taking off faster than the planes); can’t they afford to hire a few more customer service people?, and insurance companies who seem to be oh so available to sell me policies only to magically disappear when I have an issue.
And when I finally do hear a voice, I’m so grateful that I don’t dare express my annoyance. Am so appreciative that this anonymous person has the power to extricate me from the existential void. Sartre might have been inspired to write No Exit while on hold with his customer service center.
And then…before I can say a single word, I hear the dreaded words, “Please hold” and I am once again exiled into the land of redundant music.
Add the insult of finally, finally getting an actual person who’s stays on the line with me, only to have my connection dropped. Images of Munch’s The Scream fill my imagination as I grapple with the unfairness of life!
And, do you believe the soothing message saying that “Your message is important to us?” Give me a break. You don’t know who I am since you’ve never actually spoken to me and how important can my message be when I know I’m in the company of many other lonely souls who are also desperate for connection. And since I’ve heard this message twenty times, I’m truly beginning to doubt your sincerity!
The other hairpulling response is the computerized suggestion that I use their computer answering system to address my issues. Yeah, right. They rarely work and now I’ve just wasted another moment of my quickly shortening life span trying to get my stupid question answered.
The irony is that we are so interconnected, able to reach people in split seconds on our social media platforms, yet we’re still stuck in prehistoric times (before APPLE), to anxiously await a connection with someone who can assist us. Humans make no sense!
Remember the days when there were actual people who helped you? Actually, neither do I, but I’m assuming there was a time in the history of man when this was true.
Patience will never be my virtue, but when I can find the slightest amount of humor in the absurdity of modern life, it does make it easier to live with myself. Actually, if the customer services centers of the world would start to play recordings of terrific comedians, that might put everyone in a much happier mood! Who votes for this idea? Say “Aye!” Now, who’s the brave soul who wants to wait on hold till a customer service representative finally answers and transfers you to the appropriate department only to get your call dropped!
And so it goes…