SHIFTING MY YOGA POSE FROM DOWNWARD DOG TO BONELESS CAT

I realized that a lot of my recent blogs have dealt with people that were having trouble getting going after COVID. There are those, like myself, who went on hyperdrive. Our “on” button got stuck on “on” and we’re now having trouble slowing down after two years of perpetual propulsion.

When COVID hit, it exasperated my tendency to take on the world, confront every problem, deal with every crisis, driving with my psychic foot on the gas. My patient caseload was up to bursting, I had to handle unremitting family issues, illness, bills, cats with allergies, husband with medical crisis, friends struggling with COVID, personal losses, etc. each and every day. I was up for it! Bring on the problems! I can handle all of them…. did I feel I had a choice? (nope). This was my natural “me” on “emergency” mode.

I did (and still do) have trouble just turning everything off to relax. So, when it was time to go to sleep, I gratefully climbed into bed, but couldn’t seem to lower the energy…. tea, cookies, cats, and sci fi books helped, but it was, and continues to be, difficult to throttle down.

I imagined every day as a big board game. First square, stumble out of bed, hit the day, and run around the board, accomplishing whatever task I landed on, until I make it to the last square’s challenge: “Go to sleep!” Time to crawl, exhausted and depleted, back into bed…with my tea, cookies, cats, and sci fi, hoping, longingly, for sleep, knowing full well that tomorrow will bring yet more pressing problems.

A few weeks ago, I finally went on a long-postponed vacation. The first afternoon, I signed up for a sailing lesson, something I’ve always loved. When the instructor and I were cruising the beautiful, Caribbean water, he asked if I just wanted to ride or do I want to practice sailing? In my natural state, I would, of course said, “Practice sailing!” To sit and do nothing, let someone else literally take control of the helm, was an impossibility…until it wasn’t. I felt myself relax, took a deep breath, and allowed my body to sink slowly into the seat. I just wanted to be a passenger for a change, to experience, without effort or thought, the joyfulness of flying through warm, turquoise blue waters.

This must be what a totally relaxed cat feels, luxuriating in the warmth of the sun! What a great name for a yoga position…right after Downward Dog, flopping into Boneless Cat! To do nothing but simply absorb the beauty and calmness that surrounded me. It was a combination of mindfulness and mindlessness, of my body letting go of all tension, to transform my hyper-alert vigilance into a luxurious cat nap. To finally feel safe.

I’m not saying it was easy. My body and senses have been programmed to pick up every tense vibe, scan for the next potential problem, push until I can’t push me anymore. I had to be vigilant not to be vigilant. But that night, I was able to fall asleep…sans tea, cookies, cats, sci fi…

Could I take this home? This Boneless Cat experience? All the tensions and worries of the world awaited me, my shoulders would start to crawl up to my ears just at the thought of dealing with the technicalities of the flight home. I was going to try…to not try.

And now, when I feel myself becoming stressed, tense, prepared for action, I mumble to myself, “Boneless Cat” and amazingly, I relax! My shoulders come down from around my ears, my hands unclench, my jaw relaxes. And I smile to myself, strange mantra, but OK, “Boneless Cat.”

Other people take sea shells home from the beach, or silly t-shirts or straw hats…I took home the image of a boneless cat, and I’m purrrrfectly thrilled!